In Search Of Rock Flippers

IN SEARCH OF ROCK FLIPPERS (1)

As a kid I was once shown that you could find a spotted salamander under rocks at a pond near my home. The first time a friend found one I was amazed. I would spend hours flipping over rocks to find salamanders!

Flip nope,
flip…nope…..
flip…nope….
maybe the next one is the “one”
…..flip….nope…keep flipping.

A whole day not a single salamander….did not stop me…

Guess where you found me the next day?

Flipping over more rocks. Guess what I eventually found?

I think the eagerness and wonder of being a child is easily lost in adulthood. We somewhere along the line decide to settle, play it safe, shrink our vision, and prescribe to a common way of doing things. We flip over a couple of rocks or even just sit back and witness others flipping rocks with less than desirable results so we default back to scepticism. We stop flipping over rocks and we congregate with others that have stopped flipping over rocks to support our decision to move out of CHILD like wonder and into “responsible” adulthood.

Last year this hard core sceptic started flipping over some rocks again.

I followed my heart and started a new wellness-prenuer adventure. Along the way I found some amazingly inspiring rock flippers. People that proved that as long as you kept flipping rocks you would find what you were looking for. Families that are home-schooling their kids as they travel the world. Single moms who figured out a way to quit their extra part time job and spend more time with their kids and be able to afford vacations. Lifetime rock flippers that are smiling ear to ear and whistling while they work long after they “should have retired” because they are having too much fun to stop!

I am running into a lot of people that have been curious about what I have been up to. The other day I found myself explaining it to somebody using this rock flipping analogy. I have basically been flipping rocks over looking for other child-like rock flippers who in turn join me as we multiply our efforts and treat life like the adventure it is.

Although the “start-up cost” is laughable it’s the worldly grip of scepticism that will rob most of their potential.

It is simple.

Those willing to let go of their grasp on scepticism and find others willing to do the same find the most spotted salamanders!

Scepticism can be overcome, one rock flip at a time.

If you feel me on this thought process I believe it would be in your best interest to connect with me and see if you can get in on one of my informative webinar about this year’s adventures; My heart’s desire is to add more rock flippers to the world. Anybody and everybody is welcome. As June closes and I look ahead I am leading our global team to new exciting heights culminating in an EPIC January 2019 celebration!!! The “best seats” go to those that show up first. Message me if you are ready to learn more and want a spot on a call sometime.

Sincerely, A converted sceptic excited about the future having the most FUN I have been having in a long time —> looking for the same!

Got A New Year Monkey On Your Back?

monkey

It is exciting to dream; to pursue a goal. However the moment you do you inevitably encounter opposition from the people around you.

Example:

New Year!

You: All excited motivated and working towards a dream or goal.

Them: Pointing out all the faults, making insinuations about your past failed attempts or even pointing out other people’s failed attempts. Generally (either unknowingly or purposefully) bursting your motivational bubble.

Why?

Often it is because they gave up on what you are still holding onto hope for.   Sometimes they learned their “give up” posture from personal experience, sometimes it was handed down to them through their influences.

I cannot recall which John Maxwell book I read about this experiment in, but it has always stuck with me.

We are not monkeys.  But sometimes we act like monkeys.  Experimenters placed four moneys in a habitat. At the top of one of the poles there were some nice ripe bananas ready for consumption.  However whenever a monkey climbed the pole to retrieve the banana the experimenters would knock them off the pole with a blast of water. Every monkey gave it continuous attempts only to be knocked off ever time.  Eventually all the monkeys had given up and would no longer make attempts to retrieve the bananas.

Introduce a NEW monkey that had not been privy to all the failed attempts.  Interestingly as soon as the new monkey would start to make an attempt to get the bananas all the other monkeys would get really vocal, they would rush to the pole and pull the new monkey down until you guessed it … the new monkey stopped attempting to reach the bananas.  Note: this NEW monkey never had the negative reinforcement of the water blast.   Eventually the experiment introduced ALL new monkeys and completely replaced the four originally monkeys. All the new monkeys who had never experienced or even witnessed the water blast would no longer make attempts to get at the bananas.

The way I see it. As that New Year’s ball drops in time square ever year some of us monkeys get brave enough to make another go at that pole.  Even though the world has taught us that our attempts are futile we feel a little hope rise in us and we think this time might be different. The other monkeys sit back, fearful, stuck on old mindsets, convincing themselves that trying again will result in the same old, same old.  They see you dash for the pole and they think you are crazy!

“What you doing that for????”

“Have we not tried that already?”

“You remember what happen the last time?”

“I heard my sister’s friend did that and it ended horribly”

“Why don’t you just stay here with me, where it’s comfortable, I gave up on that a long time ago”

“Life is meant to be enjoyed, I do not need to go through the stress of another failed attempt.”

Hey to be fair some of the monkeys just have well intentions, they have been burned and they do not want you to get burned too. But would in not be awful for the monkeys to witness you climb all the way to the top and grab your prize without the interference?

What would that say about their choice to stay put?

How would they have to re-evaluate their choices?

If you were the monkey deciding to stay put it would just be easier if every other monkey decided the same thing as you.

Dreaming big, aiming high?  Don’t let that monkey on your back hold you back.  Distract them, change the subject and when they are not looking snatch those bananas and show them what is possible.  Don’t take it personal. They are just focused on all the ways it could go wrong, hence their decision to stay put.  So when someone starts trying to poke holes in what you are doing just knowingly nod. Ah…. another fallen monkey.

monkey pic

 

2 Ways To Slay Your “People Pleaser”

Slay The PEOPLE pleaser!I look back now and think of all the times I made myself sick with worry over trying to keep other people happy.  One of the healthiest things I have done over the last decade is tame the need to keep other people happy in my life.  There are 2 key concepts I have accepted that helped me create this new very liberating and free environment. I am a better husband, father, friend and coach because of it.

(1) Realizing People Pleasing Is Innately Selfish.

I thought that all my people pleasing made me a better, caring and sensitive person. I slowly came to the realization that that was not true.  Pleasing people was really about accolades.  I was obsessed with needing people to like me.  Which means everything I did was really about me.  I needed to be liked. I needed people to talk highly of me. I wanted people to notice me. I was not making other people HAPPY because I really cared for their happiness it was really about what I would get out of the exchange.  As I slowly began to value myself more and find my accolades in other places I felt the need to be LIKED for the sake of being liked less and less appealing. I began to care less about people liking me and more about adding value to people’s lives.  Sometimes that meant challenging people on some of their hold ups and pushing them to believe that they are capable of more. Which means people will not always like me.  Some people may even avoid me or be repelled by me but other may thank me down the road for the value it added to their life.  I am OK with people not liking me now.  I am a much better coach because of it.

(2) My Own Happiness Was An Inside Job.

I spent a lot of time feeling like a victim to my life.  That all the circumstances and the people around me were conspiring against me.  That I was dealt a lousy card and woke up daily to a life that was happening to me and I felt I had no control over it.  As I prayed and worked through things I walked into a new sense of gratitude and from this place of thankfulness I was able to turn my power back on.  I began to see that the only thing that I was a victim of was myself.  That I determined how I saw the world, the people around me and the circumstance I was in.  That my powerless “victim” state was something I CHOSE rather than something I was inflected with. As I began to question the lens through which I saw the world and trade out my lenses for a better more opportunistic lens I realized that other people could do the same thing.  By taking ownership for my own happiness I realized that I was not responsible for other people’s happiness.  In fact I was preventing people from finding their own happy when I was working so hard to always keep them happy.  I still love on people but I no longer feel responsible for changing their world views, I know that they too decided which lens they are using. If I can be of assistance in influencing them to own their happy great, but it really is not up to me, it is all about what they are choosing for them.  AHHHHHHH what an amazing sense of freedom that has brought me.

These two concepts have change how I build boundaries around the things that matter to me in my life as well as how I communicate with others in life. In the past when my priority was making other people happy instead of owning my own happiness I had very few boundaries. Taking on the responsibilities of other people’s HAPPY left me exhausted and unhappy plus resentful.  I now have been learning how to communicate my needs in relationships as well as learning to listen to the needs of others in my life, so I can actively add value to other people lives by helping them own their HAPPY.

Disclaimer alert: These are my musing and my thought processes. If they offend you or rub you the wrong way I no longer care (lol) You are more than welcome to your own musings and thought processes.  If they add value to your life like they did to mine, great, I am happy I could help.

Come On Let Me Love You : Taking Chances

move

 

6 years ago today we took a risk and followed a prompting in your hearts and moved across Canada to live life on the West Coast. Listening to God’s whispers has not disappointed us. The move has been hard but the lessons have been so fruitful. I recall contemplating the move in a raining car outside the grocery store and hearing a song by third day called Revelation.

“My life,
Has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that’s gone
This time,
I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You”

I held on to those words for weeks “should I stay here, or do I need to move.” I listen to the song over and over and played out all the scary things that would have to happen if we decided to move.

I would reason myself out of this crazy prompting to move, only to wake up to it again the next morning. I spoke a word to nobody while my heart wrestled with the idea.

I was so focused on the how this is going to happen and what are people going to think.

Then one morning after playing the song for the 100th time I listen to the next song on the CD.

“Ever since the world around you shattered
You’ve been looking everywhere for something more
Sometimes you feel like your life doesn’t matter
But it does
I tell you it does

Come on let me love you now
Come on let me love you and hold you through the storms
I will keep you safe and warm
Come on let me love you now
Come on let me love you and kiss away your tears
I will always be here
Come on let me love you

Yesterday you found your heart was broken
Tomorrow doesn’t leave much room for hope
Today you’ll find that my arms are wide open
And my heart
My heart is full of love

Give up on all the other things
‘Cause my love can bring you more
And if you take a chance on me
I’ll give you what you’re looking for”

The voice was clear that morning. You have been pushing, pulling, taking on the demands of everything yourself. I felt God whisper, you done wrestling yet? You ready to step in and take a chance? Are you ready to let me love on you?

I went home and told Jen what I had been contemplating for a month and told her to think about it. Truth be told we both knew it was not something we need to “think” about anymore.

I was terrified and excited the morning I woke up to this truck sitting at the curb, ready to go, with all that was left of our possessions.

It has been the hardest thing we have ever done and the hardest thing we have ever “stuck” with and through the trails and adversities I am so overjoyed with grateful tears this morning that I took a chance, listen to the prompting and let God love me. Our hearts are full of so much wisdom and our spirits are forever changed. God taught me my life matters. The story does not end there it’s just a reminder. Heading into our 7th year God is asking me the same questions whether I am willing to take chances on things that seem impossible. I am scared and excited to see what is in the gap between where I am and where we feel God is calling us.